so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
