the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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