she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
