11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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