your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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