dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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