last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
