The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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