Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
