dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
