I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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