I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
