I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
