she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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