Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
