I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How external is "for external use only"?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
