I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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