I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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