one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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