We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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