she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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