"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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