ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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