just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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