Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
