3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
