I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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