I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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