doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
