You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
