She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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