Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
