Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
