no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
