tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
