4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
