When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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