if only i could text you this smell
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
