Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
