I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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