Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
