This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
