Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
