just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
