If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
