is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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