home. puking in laundry basket.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
