how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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