Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
