I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
