nut hugger
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
